326A. They told me she was a hard patient. She refuses all her medications and wants to go home, against medical advise (AMA). She had congestive heart failure and her once strong body now needs constant oxygen supplementation in order to survive. Going home AMA is a foolish decision any adult in her place should know. Yes, I knew she had her reasons, but none of us had any time to spare nor patience for her drama. Every one is just through with her, not excluding myself. That noon, she signed the AMA form which releases me from any legal responsibilities toward her. She can go home, or die anytime now and I won't be held liable. But hold on, she's still here! She has no means of going home. No one to pick her up. No family. No friends. No idea how to call a cab driver. That day was so busy and I had so many things going on in my head while juggling a handful different tasks all at the same time. Then Jesus knocked on my heart, "Adelle, do you have a few minutes to spare for my daughter?" Jesus breathed life back into my cold heart.
I went to her room. "Miss 326A, how are you doing?" I tried to reiterate to her the reason why the doctor wants to keep her in the hospital and the possible consequences of her decision. "I understand. But I've had enough. I'm just ready to go home. I'm sick and tired of this place." I stood there silently, battling thoughts in my head whether to get frustrated at her stubborness or to try to love on her just as Jesus wanted me to. And then she started opening up.
She told me her husband lost his battle to cancer just 6 months ago. I sat down at the edge of her bed to listen more intently. And as I looked at her beautiful blue eyes, my frozen heart was thawed, my blinded eyes began to see again, before me is a person, a broken and weary soul. She has given up. She has lost the will to live. I knew there was nothing I could say or do in my strength to make her stay any longer, so before I left, I asked if I could pray for her. After praying, I gave her a hug and told her to take care of herself. But as I pulled away, she began sharing a story to me, "You know when my husband passed away, I dreamt about him. I saw him sitting on a chair in our house. He was with our dogs who have also passed away. And he was smiling at me, very peaceful. My husband didn't really believe in anything. But when I saw him, I just knew he was in a better place." Her once stern facade began to melt away and her eyes started to well up with tears. "Thank you for your time. I'll be okay. Bless your heart, child."
She ended up going home that day. I have no news what happened to her. But I have faith that the same God who takes care of me, has her safe in His hands.
Nursing is tough. Everyday has it's own challenges. There have been countless nights that I dreaded coming back to work, mornings that I just don't wanna wake up, and days that I just feel like throwing in the towel and walking away. I don't mean to be heartless but sometimes, the demands of this job just tend to turn me into a task-oriented monster and a medication-administering zombie, and sucks all the love and compassion out of me. But Jesus has been so faithful to sustain me. Every single morning, Jesus brings me to my knees to beg for His love, joy, peace and strength to keep me throughout the day. I wouldn't survive a day without Him pouring His love into my heart so I can have something to give out. I have nothing to brag about except for the fact that I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that in my weakness, Jesus always comes through.
"I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me." - Psalm 3:5
'And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness," Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.' - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
